i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
