he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
