I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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