My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My dick has a subreddit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
