I skipped work to stalk him.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
