i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
