I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
