I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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