I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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