You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
