tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
