If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
