rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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