I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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