At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
