You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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