I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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