i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
