New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
