I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
