i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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