dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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