we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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