I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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