mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
