I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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