I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
