I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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