u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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