Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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