Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
