i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
