my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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