I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
