I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
