Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
