That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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