so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
