that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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