drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
