Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
