i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
