my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
