i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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