There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
