I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
