I wish life had little blips of pornography
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
