Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
