So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
