The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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