Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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