is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
