If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
